A Sermon for Yom Kippur 5767/2006

by Sandy Bredt, Executive Director

     When I was interviewing for my job, one of the interviews was with the Kehilla staff. I mentioned that if I were to work with them, they’d have to put up with two things from me  -- analogies with ecological principles( a holdover from my previous career), and stories about Danny, my son. Dannyisms, I call them.  So I’ll start with a Danny-ism.

      One night, Danny’s babysitter was putting him to bed, and he asked her, “What religion are you?” Well, she hemmed, and hawed, and gave him a long answer that boiled down to, “I don’t have a religion, I’m an atheist.”  Danny thought about that for a minute, and replied, “You should try being Jewish. It’s been very good for my mom.”

    Growing up in Kehilla, Danny knows no other Jewishness. Keilla and Jewishness are synonymous for him. So Danny was also telling his babysitter that Kehilla has been very good for his mom.

      Today, I’ll tell you why that is. Turns out, it has a lot to do with I-Thou relationships.  (You folks saw that coming, didn’t you!)

      I've been thinking about I-Thou and I-It relationships ever since the theme was first broached about six months ago. I’ve figured out that the skills, or conditions for I=Thou relationships are the very things that make this Kehilla so good for me.

      It so happened that the process of interviewing for this job was interrupted for the High Holydays, and that year, Rabbi Burt gave a sermon about the Hebrew word “Hineini.” Here I am.

      When called, Abraham showed up and said “Hineini” to Gd. Abraham didn't have a bunch of self-absorbed reasons to avoid entering a relationship with Gd, (“Sorry, Gd, not today, I’ve got to get to the post office before it closes, and then I’ve got to get groceries.” Can you imagine?!) Nor did Abraham act like he wasn’t good enough to be Gd’s choice.  He just showed up, as he was, to act as Gd's partner in a holy covenant.

      A key aspect of living in community from an I-Thou place, is showing up, bringing all of ourselves to a relationship. And that is one way Kehilla is good for me - I am required to be myself, authentically. When I was interviewing for the job, I was asked how I thought working in a Jewish community might differ from other communities in which I've worked. My first thought was, “Finally! I'll be where people get my sense of humor, where my frankness and assertiveness will be seen as an asset!”

      But this “Hineini” stuff was a really tough part of my job description. It required not just that I bring all of my skills and talents to the job, and yes, my sense of humor, but that I bring even my flaws and insecurities. I had to show up willing to risk failure, willing to risk failing my entire community, in order to succeed.  There was no place to hide myself anymore. Hineini.

      Kehilla has also been good for me because Kehilla embodies my favorite ecological principles, and we embody my favorite kind of place in nature.  Interdependence, niches, and the value of diversity are my “big three” from my days in environmental education – they’re the forces at work in every true community. When I worked at the Oakland Museum, I was also introduced to the concept of “ecotone” which is a place where two or more ecological communities come together and overlap. An estuary such as San Francisco Bay and Delta is an ecotone, because it's where the salt-water environment of the Pacific Ocean and the fresh-water environment of the Sacramento River come together. Ecotones have greater diversity, and thus greater resilience and sustainability than any other place in nature.

      Over the years, I've learned that I am drawn to the ecotone places, where communities meet and overlap, and it's where I do my best work. Rabbi Burt taught me that Buber speaks about that which is “between” I and Thou as the Actual Reality of relationship, and the place where the Eternal Thou appears. So it's not surprising that in my own spirituality it is in the spaces in between where I find God. I find the web of interdependence to be so elegant, that I can only marvel. There is so much to the relationships between individual organisms, between populations and the community, so many layers that we are only now beginning to understand. It seems obvious that the spaces between, those interdependencies, must be some of God's favorite places to hang out.

      There are many things I love about Kehilla, but what makes it feel like home for me personally is the way in which Kehilla naturally fits the ecotone. We are where Jewishness meets lesbians, gay men, bisexual people, and transgendered folks, as well as heterosexuals. We are where interfaith families and Jewish community come together. We are where compassion for Israelis and compassion for Palestinians and Lebanese come together. We are where traditional and contemporary sensibilities come together. We are where feminism and Judaism meet. Even our new home on Grand Avenue is just 200 feet from the Piedmont - Oakland boundary. And regardless of location, we are where progressive Jews from all over the Bay Area meet in spiritual community. I love standing at the nexus of so many worlds with my community, with Kehilla. With all of this connective tissue, there are lots of places for God to hang out in Kehilla.

      The connective tissue allows us to be in relationship, but still individuate, still having boundaries. Think of the connection between two soap bubbles. Each is connected to the other, making a larger whole, but there is a boundary between them. Without boundaries, we become enmeshed, losing our individual, sacred selves. So even though I’m in community with you, I don’t get to spill my mishegaas all over you, or make you merely an extension of me. Like two soap bubbles, the boundary may be transparent, and somewhat elastic, but it’s necessary for an I-Thou relationship.

      My way of extending I-Thou into community is what I call I-Us: affirming our individual sacredness while underscoring that part of the meaning for each individual “I” is in endeavors which are collective, interdependent, relational. In community, I-Us affirms that while “I” is a discrete unit, “I” is also part of community. It affirms that there is no entity called “Kehilla” separate from its members. So when we might say things like “Kehilla” did this, or “Kehilla” did that, I invite us to restructure those thoughts as “We” did this,” or “We” did that.

      Now, here's one of my favorite little secrets about Kehilla, another way in which Kehilla is good for me. I have this theory, but I'm not sure if this holds true for atheists or agnostics; try it on and see if it fits. My theory is that when people come to synagogue, people tend to bring their best selves, because they think, “Hey, it's a synagogue -- G_d might be lurking.” So even though my job is occassionally stressful, I get to work in a place where everyone brings their best selves. And since everyone brings their best selves, G_d does lurk here.

      When I start with the assumption that everyone shows up here bringing their  best and most authentic self, it opens up possibilities for holiness.  Kehilla’s work is to open up possibilities for holiness by building each person's ability to bring their best selves to I-Thou and I-Us within our community and in the world. This is central to how we must be in the world, how Kehilla, must show up.

      We must, and I believe we do, offer each individual “I” (that means you!) lots of ways of engaging authentically, at each stage of our lives. The diversity of our offerings, and the diversity of people participating in them create a web of rich, complex interdependencies that make Kehilla stronger, more resilient, more sustainable.

      Our work applies the I-Thou philosophy in different contexts. For example, Kehilla's Brit Shalom document applies the I-Thou framework to the relationship between Israel and Palestine. It provides an example of how each party needs to set aside one's own deepest yearnings long enough to hear and take into one's heart another's deepest yearnings, so that both can eventually find a way to live in compassionate and cooperative interdependence.

      Our new relationship with Oakland Community Organizations (OCO) gives us myriad opportunities for I-Thou encounters in the context of progressive action. First, Kehilla members will meet together one to one, I and Thou, to develop Kehilla's power for transformative tikkun olam. Our OCO staff person, Amy Fitzgerald, has been explaining OCO's philosophy that power resides in the relationships. As we develop more rich intentional relationships in community, we express that power through our stories. Though our narratives may be different, we’ll find that our concerns are similar, enabling us to connect with others across faiths, and build our relationships into effective coalitions of faith communities working together on affordable housing, prevention of violence, better schools and access to health care.

      Even our Terumah Project, our capital campaign for our new building is an opportunity for I-Thou encounters. It entails personal one-to-one discussions where we share what the Kehilla community means to each of us, what it may mean to have our facility on Grand avenue, how it might enhance our effectiveness in the world.

      The premise we work from with the Terumah Project is that each of us is building the mishkan, the holy tent of gathering with our free-will offerings.  Each person’s individual free will is engaged when we are part of something that honors our authentic selves, and our I-Us relationships.

      So we show up authentically. And we recognize that our partners, the “Thou's” with whom we are in relationship are also showing up authentically, with all of their strengths, and weaknesses and vulnerabilities and foibles. And we extend ourselves to each other with all of the gentleness, compassion and care that we can muster. Ironically, it's when we recognize each other's humanity that we get to see each other as sacredly unique, as a piece of God.

      So show up at Kehilla, and throughout your life, with your full authentic self. Be gentle and loving toward all of the “Thou's” in your life. Hold a space for the community in your heart. Hold your own “I” and the community's “Us” both in your arms, cradling both.

 Gut Yuntov!